On list of things to that can break me, there is a video game trailer that hits me hard. Artyom's Nightmare from the Metro Exodus..
The video shows Artyom, solider, reminiscing life events where he was helpless. People die as he watches without the ability to react. In some cases, he might have been the catalyst to the events and yet doesn't have the power to change the outcome. The video game is a piece of art that tells us his story. Through a silent protagonist, we see a world that no longer exists with any degree of hospitality and everything out there is set to kill you.
And yet, the story of Artyom is that of a soldier who steps out of safety every chance he gets with hope to see if the world has changed. This story, and the game, feels like a powerful tale not just because I am a video game addict but because the game resonates so well with the real-life that I live in.
Every I throw my legs over my bike and switch on the ignition I say in my mind "please start". And as soon as she fires up I compliment her "good girl". I know that there is a possibility that one day she might not start. There have been those days. And on those days it is my responsibility to know and understand what is wrong with her and get her back to good health.
Every time I take her out for a ride, I know that there are bigger vehicles and idiots on the road that could cost me my life because of their mistake. It is a chance I am willing to take. Not because I can, but because I should. Otherwise, I would never be able to live with myself. Imagine fearing to travel, but being killed by a fan falling over your head while sleeping. Fear sometimes is the only hindrance to happiness.
Every time Artyom steps out, he knows the dangers that are out there. He knows that he is practically alone. He knows that he might not return the same way he left. But he goes nevertheless in search of a better tomorrow. Spearheading the exodus for the paradise lost. He prepares all he can but makes use of what he finds in the wild. The gas mask broke? He duct tapes it. The gun jams? He switches to a sidearm and cleans it later. Not a single time does he complain about the quality of his life but just tries to make it work.
Being stuck on a hill with a drained battery and no civilization for atleast 20kms thought me two things. There are no strangers but only friends you are yet to meet. And that the friends that you have known very well could very well become strangers with enough distance. The team that came with me had left because I was the sweep. Not their fault. Just one stayed with me and we somehow got the bike running with some luck. Action helped.
I had sold my first two motorcycles to upgrade. However, my actual reason was that I thought that the maintenance was causing a hassle and I thought something was wrong with my motorcycle in particular, and that I was cursed with bad luck upon purchase. By the time I had my third motorcycle, I knew, all motorcycles are going to need constant maintenance and it was not some bad luck.
Each might be different, but they are all going to be the reason for happiness and also cause pain at the same time. I took a vow to not let her go no matter what. My parents, my relatives and also my friends. A lot of have advised so far, asking me to let go. But she is mine, and all the time I have spent working on her are my time. She might not be the best, and neither am I. It was quite recent when it dawned on me that circumstances are always going to be the same. But the way we react to them dictates how we evolve as a human being.
I have changed. For the better or worse is only something time will tell. But one thing is certain, I am not running away from what I was in the past, letting go of my motorcycle for ulterior motives and hoping the next one would be better.
In the end, Artyom always faces his fears and ventures forward. He remembers all the lives that were lost. All the lives that he cost because of his ineptitude to take action. But he moves forward with hope and purpose. Because hope is the only thing that can be stronger than fear. We are all not perfect, Artyom knows that. He is no superhero or even a super solider. Perhaps why we love the batman over the superman. And yet he holds on to hope while others have let fear could their judgment.
I continue to plan more road trips in hope for my motorcycle to keep me company irrespective of weather, health or financial conditions. For I, hope to make those trips one day.
Being the Artyom that leads an exodus to salvation is better than covering in fearing the worst. I try.
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